Style Invitational Week 1244: Primed for creative Amazon product reviews Plus the winning limericks featuring gh- and gi- words. (Bob Staake for The Washington Post) By Pat Myers By Pat Myers Entertainment September 7 // (Click here to skip down <#report> to this week’s winning limericks) *Review for a box of paper clips: Very disappointed — one star. First, they’re not made from paper. Second, they don’t clip anything — not my hedges, not my coupons, not my nose hair. * /— Bruce Niedt, Week 1098, 2014/ The last time we did a contest for creative product reviews on Amazon.com, in 2014, The Post had just been bought by a Mr. Bezos of Seattle — no doubt, we figured, because he’d read the Invitational’s initial set of reviews in 2012. We never did hear back from that guy, though there’s this little drone thing circling the Empress’s house . . .   Previously we asked you to review such items as paper clips, Morton’s salt, emery boards, a spool of thread, a dish cloth and a solar dancing turkey. *This week: Send us a creative “review” (like the sample above from 2014) for any of the items below that are listed on Amazon.com. *The reviews must not be harmful to the manufacturer or seller. Feel free to post the reviews on Amazon itself /after / we post the results online Oct. 5. While some reviews on Amazon run hundreds of words, we’re looking for much shorter entries; 75 words would be lengthy for us. Search on Amazon.com with the exact words below, or click on the links in this week’s Invite online, to find the product to “review.” — *Revlon toenail clip * The Trump “Over-Reaction Figure,” complete with movable hair-helmet and The Finger. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post) — *Reynolds Wrap Aluminum Foil — 75 sq. ft. * — *Home Premium 5-Piece Rubber Door Stopper, Brown * — *DenTek Extra Strong Triple Clean Floss Picks * — *Arm & Hammer Clump & Seal Multi-Cat Litter * — *High Five Poop Emoji Float Pool Floater Inflatable Lounger * Submit entries at this website: *wapo.st/enter-invite-1244* (all lowercase). Winner gets the *Inkin’ Memorial ,* the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy — one of the last few before we officially announce the new design that we’ve been giving to recidivist winners. Second place receives a *Donald Trump “Over-Reaction Figure,” * complete with movable arms and a cap of molded yellow hair that you can pull off or rearrange, as in the photo. The figure’s right hand has a certain finger extended. Donated by 161-time Loser Jeff Shirley. *Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.” Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind” or “Magnum Dopus.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Sept. 18; results published Oct. 8 (online Oct. 5). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline for this week’s results is by Gary Crockett; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Jesse Frankovich. Join the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday ; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter. *The Style Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column, published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv . And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . . *GHImericks: REPORT FROM WEEK 1240* **For our annual Limerixicon contest, our salute to the unending effort by OEDILF.com to compile a complete dictionary in limerick form, in *Week 1240* we asked for verses that featured *gh- and gi-words. * If your limerick got ink in this contest, or even if it didn’t, or even if you didn’t enter and are inspired to write one now, feel free to submit it to OEDILF. (If you did get ink, note that along with your submission so that the Invite will be credited.) 4th place: Said Giselle the *giraffe,* on a date, “I do not want to stay out too late, And while necking is fine, That’s where I draw the line, ’Cause this isn’t a petting zoo, mate.” (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.) 3rd place In the melting pot we call Amur’can, Disagreeable stew has been perkin’, Made from yammering yam With a thick slice of ham And a limp, insignificant *gherkin. * (Nan Reiner, Boca Raton, Fla.) 2nd place and the T-shirt with a glossary of crude Italian expressions: The video snippets of freaks Shooting butt rockets out of their cheeks Turned me into a quitter Of Facebook and Twitter, Both hangouts for*GIF*-bearing geeks. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.) And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial: The news may be much out of date, For F. Douglass is notably late. But we still can acclaim His posthumous fame: As a *ghostwriter* he is first-rate. (Ann Martin, College Park, Md.) TouGH luck: honorable mentions As a track athlete, Nate was well versed; As a*gigolo,* though, he was cursed. In each case the same trait Predetermined his fate: ’Twas his penchant for finishing first. (Mark Raffman) For racists, a pat on the wrist, And he slanders the ones who resist: “Many sides” get his pans. Okay, Herr Tiny-Hands, I think we’re all getting the*gist. *(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) “The mortician’s gone bankrupt,” said Sue. “And I even predicted it, too. Though I did have a hint That the business was skint: The dead *giveaway *— that’s when I knew.” (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.) Said the cop, “I would bet my last dime, That a*ghoul* has committed this crime. But the chance of arrest Is unlikely at best. I’m afraid it’s a wraith against time.” (Stephen Gold, London) As a kid, my anxiety grew With the tales of a *ghost* in the flue. Though I’m grown now and wise (And less prone to surprise), I’ve a sense of, at times, deja boo. (Chris Doyle) “This cathedral’s deluxe to the hilt!” Said the king. “It’s the best ever built!” But the pope, with dismay, Scorned the gold-leaf display: “There’s no purpose to Catholic *gilt*.” (Mark Raffman) She’s so fat — let me put it this way: I have heard some astronomers say That Your Mama’s great *girth *Makes some parts of the Earth Have a total eclipse every day. (Brendan Beary) Though there’s no greater *gift* than a song, And I love it when folks sing along, Your insistence we sing Every note of “The Ring” At your wedding, was, frankly, just wrong. (Stephen Gold) A chef on*Gibraltar* got fame For his frying pan. In it he’d claim To make a chow mein That would drive folks insane: The Wok of Gibraltar’s its name. (Mae Scanlan, Washington) He buys every new tool, every *gizmo; * It has something to do with machismo. But his handyman skill is just run of the mill With results that are often abysmo. (Nancy Della Rovere, Silver Spring, Md.) *“Gh”as in “tough”; “o” as in “women”; “ti” as in “nation” . . . * Learning English’s a difficult dish: We spell phonemes however we wish. You want regular? Tough. Women? Nation? Enough! All in all, a fine kettle of *ghoti.* (Nan Reiner) [“Ghoti” predates George Bernard Shaw, whom it’s often credited to] My *giraffe*-breeding business is toast; Now it’s time that I *give* up the *ghost*. I had pretty good sales, But then ran off the rails ’Cause the overhead’s higher than most. (Brendan Beary) Sir Lancelot stripped off his jerkin, His breeches, his shirt and his merkin. “A cucumber, right?” But she laughed at the sight, Saying, “I think it’s more of a *gherkin.”* (Brian Allgar, Paris) I would call its leaves pretty, I thinkg, But there’s no getting over its stinkg. And its seeds make a mess — I’d prefer it, I guess, If the *ginkgo* had rather less ginkg. (Brendan Beary) When a *gharial* seeks to build clout, He will flaunt his distinct bulbous snout. Should his mate still have fears, He will hiss in her ears — That’s what crocodile love is about. (Mary Ann Henningsen Frankenfeld, Oakland, Calif.) John Kelly’s the new West Wing sitter, A leader of men and no quitter. For weeks, what regret Has been making him sweat? He can’t stop Trump’s *gibber* on Twitter. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines) The zombie had felt like a fool As he surfed through the wide dating pool. On advice of his mom He tried Monster.com, Thinking that’s how a boy could meet *ghoul. * (Sarah Jay, Churchville, Md.) A midget and *giant* did try To date, but they couldn’t deny That obviously They’ll never agree: Because they can’t see eye-to-eye. (Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.) Though our kids call their principal *“ghastly”* And maintain their opinion steadfastly, Those who work with him there At the school all declare That our kids overvalue him vastly. (Max Gutmann, Cupertino, Calif.) /And Last:/ Being blessed with the *gift *of sharp wit, I decided to enter a bit. Did it win? It did not. And the*gift* that I got In return? What a cheap piece of shinola! (Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.) *Still running — deadline Monday, Sept. 11: our No T-R-U-M-P contest. See wapo.st/invite1243. *